“You must understand one thing: all Gods are aliens, but not all aliens are Gods.” That was the message that Saphyre received after the 15 days of mixing Xanax with antidepressants. Something was off. She knew Lilith’s power was involved, but she wasn’t understanding who was speaking. She got scared. This was not the first time. She had had psychotic breakdowns all through her teenage years, after a bad case of depression and the abuse of weed and cocaine. Then, the lights across her building started flicking in a different pattern. How could no one pay attention to that? She was having another episode, that must be it. But it all made sense, really. Every little detail she was overthinking in the small apartment in the suburbs of São Paulo. She had spent the night smoking weed and writing nonsense into her journals. It was nonsense for others, because to her it was all too real. Her long red hair covered her wrinkles. Having a breakdown in her 50s was impossible to think of, but there she was. Of course that those who are experiencing a mental breakdown don’t think they’re off the tracks. Because she wasn’t, really. But this time she wouldn’t let them humiliate her like they did in the first times. She had started going to a Yoruba temple, called the “Terreiro”. It was her girlfriend’s family group that introduced her to this odd religion. It is Santeria, Candomblé, Voodoo. It depends on where you are in the planet. And it was there she understood what accompanied her throughout decades, even though she was stable and medicated. The Babalorixá, meaning the “Mother of Saints” – the Priestess – of the Terreiro was incorporated with an Esù, the spiritual deity that guards the realms of the dead and the living, king of the crossroads. It was by talking to this entity that she understood what aliens were. “Extra-Terrestrials. Think about it, child” the Esù said. “That which is not terrestrial. It is outwards. Spiritual. Spirits can be called aliens, so they’re all around.” She thought about it and it did make sense. In this religion there is drinking, smoking, dancing, drumming. The prejuditial christian mindset considered it to be Dark Magic because of that. “The Occult.” But, there are aliens that are not reduced to appearances in Terreiros. They invade each generation. Saphyre never remembered her early childhood. She was an alien that had invaded the real human Saphyre when she was about 7. That’s why she didn’t remember. Plus, Saphyre did something very wrong. She made an offering to the Esù on the woods without the assistance from the Babalorixá or anyone from the Terreiro. The spell backfired. She lit a candle during the episode. Then, the lights started flicking through the opposite loft. They were weird patterns, with different colors and speed. She was communicating mentally, but she wanted to see. They wouldn’t indulge her to that. Not yet. Her girlfriend was away, on a business trip to Doha to talk about transsexuality and queer awareness. Saphyre was alone. Of course, she was never alone. She had never been alone. When she invaded, she wasn’t aware of her power. Now, they were activating her. And they were charging the bar tap. She needed to go through it again, but now something had differed. Not all aliens are spirits, like Saphyre herself. When she realized she invaded someone she felt bad. She had been a human for too long. But she was the bad guy, when you think about it. The candle was red and black. The colors of the Esù. “Knucklehead, you woke them up.” They said. It wasn’t exactly a voice of sound but a quick thought that sunk in her mind. They were saying she woke everyone that had invaded the humans in the new generation. But how to differentiate one from the other? Who could she talk too without being committed to an asylum? The Babalorixá, maybe. But her girlfriend was away. She needed physical contact, someone to talk to about it, a real alien to converse with. But, you see, this is the most exclusive secret cult there was in the planet. Not even those on it knew they were on it. To Saphyre, that was a waste. And the matter was: what for? Why did we come here? Some say it was to enjoy, others to learn, others to hide. They panicked her in the first episodes, but now she knew better. She wasn’t guided by the voices. And she shuffled them with music. Music is the best religion there is. It wasn’t just a manic episode she was going through. She needed someone on the inside to appear and ease her into it. Little did she know that Gods are lonely creatures, after all they’re really alone because, if you think about it, they’re the only ones existing. They are all one. It sounds confusing, but that’s purposeful. What happened was that the new generation that she woke up was now demanding explanations. They didn’t want to learn the hard way, the path she took. They were lazy. And that couldn’t be. No true learning comes from ignoring shadows. And whether you like it or not, they were the shadow. From that frightening and exciting period she spent 3 weeks awaken, smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. All her siblings lived abroad, and her mother had recently died. But she didn’t access to what they call mediunity, not directly. Of course that contacting extra-terrestrials was a type of mediunity, but it wasn’t easy like you’d see on TV. It was always cryptical. It was a puzzle she had already solved. What she didn’t understand was that she was the one who created the puzzle. This world wasn’t for her. But what could she do? She thought of offing herself, but she didn’t want to after much thought. She enjoyed being with her girl, smoking her cigarette, painting and singing. Of course they wouldn’t allow her to be very known or famous. She was the best kept secret of the cosmos, but no one can handle that without diving themselves. So she started playing the game. She went to the Babalorixá. The woman was in her 90s and spent most of the time in the Terreiro chainsmoking and dropping the cigarette butts in what seemed to be an Egyptian urn. She didn’t seem surprised in seeing Saphyre, but looked worry. She ordered her daughter to prepare a bath, which she did in about 10 minutes. It was a big bowl with cold water and several herbs. Saphyre was manic and alert, but didn’t speak much. “Take off your clothes, go to the bathroom and pour this over your body. Then, don’t dry it or clean it and put on your clothes back on and come back here.” The Babalorixá said calmly, puffing her cigarette. She had big eyes and always seemed curious as she gazed into Saphyre. The woman did as commanded and got back to the elderly guide. She got up from her chair as she dropped another cigarette in the urn and her daughter had a sort of white rag in her hands, and she handed it to the Babalorixá. Then, the woman started draping Saphyre’s head with the fabric. It felt weird. She walked her into one of the back rooms of the Terreiro, filled with strange objects and a straw mat on the floor. “Lie down. Accept your thoughts. Breathe. I’ll come fetch you when it’s time.” The old woman said. Saphyre complied and, strangely enough, she felt calm. A coming down started tingling in her as she was left alone in that dark room with the rag in her head. But then, with a sudden crack noise, she started trembling. She wasn’t convulsing, but she was shaking as if it was very cold. She started having sad and destructive thoughts and then she blacked out. She must’ve been asleep for a whole day because it was late at night when the Babalorixá came back and nudged her in the shoulders, waking Saphyre up. “You’re good. Come outside with me.” The old woman sat back down in her chair and nodded to Saphyre to take a place on the floor in front of her. “When we came here, everything was glued together. The Motherland was where the Tree burst and, from that Tree, all of the Orishas came through to Earth. Our world had been destroyed by war, but we found a way back. Thanks to a shaman here on Earth. It was you, child. Your asè was spread through the Motherland and the Tree gave birth to all the rest. You were not a tribe shaman. You were alone. But then, you had us all. You needn’t do anything anymore. The answers are here, here and everywhere. Stop wondering. If they try to catch your attention, let it be. They seek attention. But you must take care of yourself. Worry about your journey now, and the rest will follow. Take off the fabric from your hat and breathe.” Saphyre did that. She was crying. And then the priestess did something unexpected: she smiled kindly and offered her hand to Saphyre. They hugged each other. “It’s good to have you back. Now, let’s eat.” The old woman said as they went down a flight of stairs into the woman’s house. They ate cheese and corn funnel cake. Saphyre stayed there for a week and went back to her apartment. She burned her notebook, cleaned the house and went back on her medication. That day, her girl came back and lights flickered from the opposite loft every night. They were just saying hi, she realized. Now, another would do her job. She was finally free. But, hey, don’t go telling everyone. It’s just a playground, you see? Keep this between us. See you later. About the author:
You can contact Perle G. Noir by email here: [email protected]
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